Starrs of the 80s R&B scene profiled tomorrow night on Unsung

When you think of the depth and breadth of talent and hits from the 1980s rhythm and blues scene, more than likely an Atlantic Starr song will pop up here and there.

Started by the Lewis brothers (David, Wayne and Jonathan) from upstate New York, Atlantic Starr had two different lead singers during their 1980s R&B charting run, Sharon Bryant and Barbara Weathers, with their similarly soaring voices rising over smooth funk grooves laid down the Lewis brothers. The group will be profile on this Monday evening’s edition of TVOne’s successful series “Unsung,” which profiles black and urban musical influences from bygone eras.

They first hit the R&B top 20 in 1978 with their debut single “Stand Up” and last visited the upper echelon R&B charts in 1992 with “Masterpiece.” In between, there quite a few Atlantic Starr songs that everyone should know and appreciate and here is my definitive top 10. You can agree/disagree or add on in the comments if you like.

“When Love Calls,” from Radiant, 1980: Their first major R&B smash hit the top 5 in January of 1981. A mid-to-upper tempo synth influenced number in which Sharon Bryant warns her would-be lover to not pass up on the chance of a lifetime.

“Touch A Four Leaf Clover,” from Yours Forever, 1983: Sharon Bryant’s last album as Atlantic Starr’s leading lady yielded a very smooth song about how lucky one has to be to get close to her. Most famously covered by Erykah Badu on her first album.

“Silver Shadow,” from As The Band Turns, 1985: From the fittingly titled album that introduced Barbara Weathers as the new lead singer, Silver Shadow is a synth-masterpiece about rising to the top at whatever it is you want to do. A personal favorite of mine.

“Send For Me,” from Radiant: Probably one of the first major quiet storm of the hits of the decade along with “Am I dreamin’,” Wayne Lewis takes the reigns here and lets an old flame know that “Goodbye doesn’t mean a thing with you and I.”

“Always,” From All In The Name Of Love, 1987: The band’s biggest hit and a wedding day staple 25 years later, the song was actually written for the Brilliance album five years earlier, but was shelved. David Lewis pulled it out for All in the name of Love with Barbara Weathers and romance music history was made.

“Secret Lovers,” from As The Band Turns: Out around the same time as Stevie Wonder’s “Part Time Lover,” there clearly was a lot of cheatin’ goin’ on in the mid-80s. Much like Stevie, Atlantic Starr makes it seem oh so right.

“Let’s Get Closer,” from Brilliance, 1982: One of the most underrated Quiet Storm gems of the decade, David Lewis entices his woman with promises of an everlasting love if she would just let him get “Closer than close, closer than most.”

“My First Love,” from We’re Movin’ Up, 1989: Not to be confused with the Rene and Angela smash, the Lewis Brothers share lead vocals on this song about a man who can’t forget the first woman he loved and mercifully lets his current lover down easy. This was the group’s last R&B number one.

“Am I dreaming,” from Radiant: Once again, another early 80s Quiet Storm masterpiece with Sharon Bryant and David Lewis playing the role of star-crossed lovers who believe their love is possibly too good to be true.

“If your heart isn’t in it,” from As The Band Turns: Written by Hamish Stuart (Average White Band, collaborator with Chaka Khan), the song poses a question/situation that anyone in a relationship gone sour can relate to.

A Letter (Or 2011′s Swan Song)

Dear Chris,

Well, we’ve made it to 30! It’s somewhat of a surprise to us both yes, but it shouldn’t be. Anyway, let’s wrap up our 2011, shall we?

You started the year in St. Mary’s County, Maryland, a place you came to hate after over 3 years of professional struggle, personal blues and general unhappiness. You made it your mission to get out and you did. Well, not how you would’ve liked. Termination is never fun, but it was necessary.

You made it back to Wilmington, Delaware to discover not much has changed with the city, your family and friends. Whether that’s good or bad remains to be seen, but you’re home, on comfortable ground and it’s given you a chance to get yourself together and figure out what it is you want to do next.

Speaking of, how DO you feel about journalism? Is it still what you want? Do you still think that career you’ve dreamed of is in the cards? Or do you want to set your own path? I think you would do better on your own if you just take the steps, but that’s a decision you have to make.

Speaking of decisions, you’ve made some smart ones near the end of the year, which is impressive. You quit sodas, started walking (don’t let the injury stop you now that it’s slowly getting better) and you figured out a low calorie plan that works. We can make lifestyle changes AND watch the numbers drop in 2012!

You also have a successful podcast, which is a shock considering you hate to talk and aren’t fond of your own voice, but apparently it’s good enough for people to listen to. Now you have to try and make it better in 2012. You’re still learning on the fly, but this could be the start of something big.

Personally, I wish I could’ve seen more improvement. I really don’t understand why you’re 30 years old and still running from childhood/teenaged ghosts that really shouldn’t be bothering you anymore. No one is laughing at you when you’re out in public, you’re not the most hideous thing walking. If anything, you convince yourself of all these faults that you can’t even admit to anything positive and then wonder why you’re in the situation you’re in.

One thing I’ve learned about you after living with you all your life is that you’re resilient. You might feel like the world is ending when you face a challenge or a setback, but you eventually get back to what you need to do to make yourself and your life better.

So let’s talk about what I want from you in 2012. I want you to continue on a weight loss program. It seems like losing weight is the way to get you to feel better about yourself even though you’re not that big. I want you to find some way to feel good about yourself even if you don’t lose another pound. I have to live with you and I’m tired of watching you hate yourself and throw away opportunities at just about everything. Let’s think of positives: You’re intelligent, you have a sense of humor, you’re a decent person and you have a drive to do better and be better. Play that up please instead of saying no one will like you because of your weight and your looks. You speak that shit into existence and it HAPPENS. Stop that.

Lastly, I want you to love you. Please find the strength to do that. You can only get so far on self-deprecation. In fact, you can’t get far at all. People are annoyed and women are turned off by the fact you insult yourself. Which makes no sense to begin with. A joke here and there is fine, but to think that you’re so low on yourself is depressing, especially when you don’t have a reason to be. There are so many things that you can like about yourself if you just take the time to figure them out, embrace them and live them.

Trust me, I’d never steer you wrong. A new year and new opportunities and experiences await. Let’s get to it.

Love,

Chris

Forbes article proudly parrots bootstrap mentality

“It is a cruel jest to ask a bootless man to lift himself up by his bootstraps.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I wish I could have the upbringing that Forbes magazine contributor Gene Marks admits to having in his recent piece “If I was a poor black kid.” Then I could say all the things I could do if I were a white kid with a middle class upbringing. But I can’t. I AM a poor black kid from one of the worst neighborhoods in Wilmington, Delaware, which is why the aforementioned article/opinion piece annoys the crap out of me.

Mr. Marks says that President Barack Obama’s most recent speech in Kansas highlights the fact that inequality on a economic level is the most pressing problem the United States is facing and that I can agree with, catchphrase of “99% vs. 1%” notwithstanding. Where it takes a turn for the damned ridiculous is when Mr. Marks starts talking about how his kids are no smarter than inner-city Philadelphia black kids and how EVERYBODY has a chance to succeed. That would be a big fat “NO,” Mr. Marks and I’ll tell you why shortly.

More into the article, Marks talks about all of the programs that poor black kids can take advantage of to help cure this recent digital divide, which is fine. But when you’re worried about where your next meal is coming from because your mother has been branded a welfare queen despite working two jobs to keep a roof over your head and you feel more obligated to make some money for yourself and your family than trying to learn all the latest gadgets. When no one in your family can afford healthcare and every damn body is running/limping/ambling around with some sort of illness, you really aren’t concerned with iPads and other trinkets because you don’t want to worry your folks with trivial stuff when you’re all trying to stay alive.

Mr. Marks goes on to say it takes a certain combination of factors for poor black kids to some how rise above, and to a degree he’s correct. Growing up in a single parent household that was better off than most of my peers, we still lived below the poverty line and we never got too comfortable even though my mother busted her ass to routinely come through in the clutch for me and my younger sister on Christmas and our birthdays. I in turn learned how to make the most of what I was given and what I could take.

Yet at 30 years old, with a college degree and a career some folks envy, I’m still scraping the poverty line, and I accept that (for now). What I can’t accept is the myth that poor blacks are given every opportunity to succeed when HBCU’s are still the best (and in some cases ONLY) option for our kids to continue their education, and they’ll still go broke doing so because the federal and state funding for those schools is – well – unequal. This is Brown vs. Board of Education is the most misunderstood Civil Rights case of them all. This was NOT about integration, not about the chance to hold hands with white kids on the playground and attend the same classes. It was about black schools, black businesses and black neighborhoods given the EXACT SAME RESOURCES as their white counterparts, but that somehow got lost in the movement.

It kills me that people still think that all it takes is a can do spirit, this “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mantra when the numbers of who’s poor/who’s going to college/who’s employed are disparate as night and day (no pun and intended).

Gene Marks closes his article by saying “Technology can help these kids. But only if the kids want to be helped. Yes, there is much inequality. But the opportunity is still there in this country for those that are smart enough to go for it.”

Too bad he never stopped to realize that being smart sometimes isn’t enough when you’re a poor black kid. You’re too worried about survival. And that’s why the economic divide will continue to grow wider, because once again, the 1% just doesn’t get it.

Journeys

I rarely get all Rev. Run/Tyrese/Steve Harvey/ambulance chasing philosopher of the moment with it, but after a brief exchange on Twitter with a friend yesterday, it forced me to think and as of this morning, I’m still thinking about what was said as far as chasing your dreams and living life on your own terms.

I responded to her tweet about such saying that it’s a scary thought for many, especially considering the craptacular state the economy is in right now. Her response was “That’s the reason so many people are chasing dream XYZ – they may as well struggle anyway.” That’s verbatim, because I’m too lazy at this point on a Monday to search her timeline, but I agree.

As one of the 99% (I’m one of the cool kids, yay!), it sucks to bust your ass doing something you think you love, but as time wears on, you realize it’s not exactly what you dreamed it to be or at least the paychecks aren’t. I knew going in I was never going to be rich in journalism, and I was fine with it, but the struggle is starting to wear thin with me.

I guess one loses cool points for being 30 and admitting that they may take a step back to try and a couple forward at some point, but at this point in my life, what the hell do I really have to gain by being totally unhappy? I mean personally (and I’ll never go into full detail in this blog on that subject) I’m already a wreck, adding professional distress is only a recipe for disaster. Might as well do what I want and try to cull a living from it.

That’s where my struggle begins – I’m too concerned with what people think. Have been since I was old enough to understand comparing and competing.

Then as I walked back to my car after an assignment one afternoon, something came into my head that was totally random.

“Your journey is your journey. The next person’s journey is their journey. You can’t live someone else’s life.”

It was almost like that hyperbolic bolt of the lightning, the proverbial epiphany that everyone looks for but really hits them when they least expect it. That was my moment and it was so damn random it scared me for a minute, but maybe it was something I needed to hear as I figure out what the hell I want to do with my life from 30 on. I need to plan, I need to be realistic, I can’t be afraid to take a risk here and there. But more importantly, I can’t compare what I’m doing to what someone else is doing or I’ll stay stuck in this rut that I’m tired of being in.

I guess this is step one of the journey, small as it may be.

20 years after the announcement, the Magic is still alive and well

November 7, 1991 was just another ordinary day early in my fifth grade year. Go to school, do my homework in the afterschool program then come home and get ready for a rec league flag football game. I just happened to turn the news on in the living room waiting for my mom to take me to the game and there was arguably the greatest basketball player I had seen in my life at that time announcing that he contracted HIV, the virus that leads to full-blown AIDS. Magic Johnson looked as healthy as ever that day as he had about five months earlier when he valiantly led his short-handed Los Angeles Lakers against the Chicago Bulls, but my teammates/friends and I were all afraid for his life as we dedicated our game that night to him.

See, to a 10-year old, HIV/AIDS were just other words for death. We knew nothing other than it was a sickness that no one wanted to get. We had heard how it made you skinny and weak and it was just a matter of time before you were dead and we all figured Magic Johnson was headed down that same path. 20 years later, Magic is still going strong at age 52 with a variety of business interests and different gigs as a basketball analyst to keep busy. His considerable wealth certainly helped his chances of survival, but if Magic Johnson did nothing in 12-plus years as an NBA great, giving HIV/AIDS a decidedly famous face definitely trumps the hoops legacy.

Magic himself knew he was living wrong when he contracted HIV 20 years ago. He considered himself two people according to “The book of basketball” by Bill Simmons. Earvin was the calmer side while Magic was the Showtime legend who threw no-look passes on the court and rarely turned down passes from eligible and willing ladies after the game. Instead of going into hiding and fighting the disease in private, he went on talk shows and did special programs (I still remember the Nick News special with Linda Ellerbee vividly) to say to kids and adults: “Hey, this is no joke, this is not fun, this is really bad for you, so take care of yourself and don’t have unprotected sex.”

We learned eventually from the death of Arthur Ashe that there were many other ways that one could contract HIV/AIDS, but in the case of Magic Johnson, sex was the buzzword and it forced parents to talk to their children about practicing safe sex if you chose to be sexually active.

Still, there’s work left to be done. HIV/AIDS in poor people of color is STILL ridiculously high and when you’re not in Magic Johnson’s tax bracket, the struggle remains real until the day you take your final breath. It has become slightly easier, but we still need to educate ourselves and everyone around us that HIV/AIDS is not a game.

I’m sure every once in a while Magic probably asks himself “Why?” But I’m sure he also knows his irresponsibility as a young man led to the great responsibility as HIV/AIDS spokesman that he carries so well now. Thankfully he’s still around to tell the story of survival. And with more education and medical advances, hopefully many more can join him in facing the disease with a bright smile.

Chevrolet’s Impala, now 54 years old still going strong

On this day 54 years ago, in still thriving post-war America, Chevrolet(and General Motors) was early into a run of design dominance that would see their cars continually be among the best looking on the road well into the early 1980s. The 1958 full-sized Chevrolets were introduced on this day, including a brand new model named after a gazelle-like African antelope. While no one knew it at the time, the Impala was destined to go on to become one of Four-wheel America’s most famous names and models with several lives in terms of form and function.

The Impala was constantly touted at the top of Chevy’s full-size offerings and the stunning 1961 hardtop was the first Chevrolet vehicle to get an option package known as “Super Sport.” As time wore on, Chevy continually upgraded their full-size models with the Impala leading the way in every category until 1985, when they decided to let the Caprice name (an option package at first) hold down the model range. The Impala SS returned briefly in 1994 as a full-size option package, then returned for good as the flagship name for the 2000 Chevy big cars and continues to do so to this day.

Impalas (and full-size Chevys as a whole) have long been an important part of various and diverse parts of American culture. From an able-bodied powerful family mover to a customized classic that includes the West Coast influence lowrider craze to the loud, colorful robust Dunks of the Dirty South. Relatively inexpensive to buy and restore, the Impala is truly a cult classic in whatever form people choose to customize their rides. That versatility and value is what American automobiles used to stand for once upon a time and people certainly miss those days of cars that were made of real strong stuff. Everyone has a favorite full-size Chevy/Impala body style and this is mine:

The 1967-1970 Impala is LITERALLY like driving a big boat around, probably one of the biggest cars GM ever put out. If you want to feel cool, calm and secure, this generation of Impala is my recommendation. However, the ‘64 (Thanks to West Coast Rap and lowrider culture) might be the best known and the most classic of all Impala thanks to its smooth double headlight grille and clean cut squared styling. The Impalas that spanned two body designs from 1971 to 1985 are also among the most popular of the group, with the aforementioned Southern Dunk movement of bright vivid colors and super huge rims and booming systems leading the way.

Above all else, the Impala stands out as a classic, an American original born in a time when American cars ruled the streets and had plenty of muscle, attitude and good looks to spare. Happy Birthday to one of the greatest cars in USA Auto history.

Conversations with Mentors

I’ve been back in Delaware a grand total of 5 1/2 months and I’ve already run into (or spoken) with three positive male role models from my childhood.

When they discovered I had finished college and started my current career, they were all very proud and happy, as they should been. My elementary school principal, a family friend and a former city councilman were among many people who saw that the chubby introverted and highly sensitive kid with above average intelligence and a desire to learn could become a positive member of society with the proper encouragement, and for the most part, they were right. Without people like Maurice Pritchett, Norman Oliver, Darrin Kellam and others, Lord knows where I’d be right now. I can tell you that 30 years old probably wouldn’t be one of those places.

I ran into Darrin (known from birth as Ghost for complexion reasons I believe) Thursday morning at a gas station and we talked for a good 45 minutes about life and mentoring kids, which Ghost has done forever and ever as a high school basketball coach and director of programs at one of the local Boys and Girls clubs here in Wilmington, Delaware. It got me to thinking about a lot of things. The two main points in particular being that 1) I need to start figuring out how I can give back to the community especially since I’m back in town and feel like it’s necessary and 2) People really don’t understand how sports and arts are CRITICAL to the development of children.

I won’t go too far into detail about me mentoring, but I think I’m at the point where I’m over myself to the point where I feel like a kind word and some assistance could help another kid and save them from the foolishness that’s going on in the streets. Granted it takes a village to raise a child and I reckon a bunch more villages to raise all children, but every little bit helps. It’s really true what they say about how you never know how much you’ve helped someone until they tell you.

Now as far as sports and the arts go, it should go without saying, but I’ll never understand WHY people feel the need to place every single aspect of life on formal education instead of finding a balance between formal education and social skill development. Sports and music/theater/writing do all of that, yet those are the programs that are the most neglected or cut when schools slice their budgets to the size of a piggy bank.

So much of what passes for an education these days hinges a lot on your ability to recite facts, figures and reading and writing, which are important don’t get me wrong, but what makes for productive citizens in my humble opinion is self-esteem and the ability to socialize – pretty much what we call networking. And it’s hard for children to develop social skills when programs that would develop said skills aren’t there.

For example, so much of why mainstream urban music is crappy as all hell is because almost no one plays instruments anymore – no instruments are being played, no music charts are being written and no songs are written because inner-city schools are forced to slice music education and enrichment programs. And so much of life is tied to music (not all of it, but a fair portion), it’s no surprise life imitates art. The art sucks sometimes and kids try to live up to that art and we get the general insanity and lawlessness we have now. Kids don’t have positive ways to emerge from their shells anymore. A lot of famous folks (athletes, musicians, actors, etc.) started off as shy unsure kids who came alive when presented with an opportunity to do something they enjoy and learn and grow from it. I saw a G+ status from a well known podcaster who said “Somewhere the next Steve Jobs is in school, but who is going to bring that out of him?” It’s a very good question, one nobody has the answer to.

As far as sports, people feel there is too much emphasis placed on sports, and that’s fine. But why lie to yourself and say that those with the gifts and desire to be great at a particular sport shouldn’t have as many chances to succeed as kids who are academic geniuses? While academia has more promises and guarantees at success, absolutely nothing is fool-proof. Sports might be the least fool-proof thing of all, but I can tell you I knew kids who were serious introverts like me who went on to become Delaware stars and legends and tackle, slam dunk, hit baseballs, out-run opponents etc. on their way to a college experience and education – and that’s what it’s all about, right?

In short, we wonder why kids are bored/unmotivated/disinterested/restless but we won’t fight for the programs to develop their creativity and personalities or even worse, we won’t lend a helping hand to get them going. This has got to change or we’re just going to keep going down the path of struggle and strife with absolutely nothing for the next generations to learn and grow from.

A new decade of life…or something.

I’m not even sure if I know what exactly what it is I want to say, but I’m sure it details me talking about how I wasted my 20s and how I really feel old now that I’ve crossed the threshold to 30, and other random foolishness.

Looking back at the last 10 years, so much changed in my life that most would think I’m crazy for saying I wasted an entire decade. I enrolled in a four-year college (took me six years to finish, but who’s counting?), got a degree in a field I love (but not sure what the future holds for it), moved away from home for 3 1/2 years and nearly went crazy in a wasteland, came back, found a job, but now wondering if I can do some professional business independently. More importantly, I learned so much about myself and knowing that I still have a lot of learning and growing to do is interesting and frustrating at the same time.

I’m an impatient person. Always have been, always will be. When things don’t happen when I want them to, I get overtly frustrated and annoyed (which means I’ve probably blown opportunities of varying degrees in my life). So when I sit here at 30 and I’m saying that my life isn’t where I want it to be or I still feel physically unattractive to women and that I’ll never change that, it’s just part of my nature.

However, one thing I’ve prided myself on developing recently is perspective. Nobody’s life is perfect and quite frankly, mine could be MUCH worse. For that, I’m grateful that I haven’t fallen as far as my own competitive and worrisome ego wants me to think I have. I personally know people that have not reached this age for one reason another and when I think that I’ve been fortunate enough to see another birthday, it’s very humbling.

When I think of the places I got to see (DC, Detroit, Indianapolis, Charlotte, etc.), the people I’ve met professionally and personally, the things I’ve experienced, I’m finally starting to see that because I don’t drink or club doesn’t mean I wasted my 20s. I had fun my way. I can still think of random things like Eastern Indian chicks hitting on me at a Dominos Pizza in Richmond, Va. in 2005 or how my last year of college really tested my will to survive, the fact that I’ve just started to realize that not all women are the same but they are human beings too…I’ve had a journey. And for the most part, it hasn’t been bad.

The 30s are a different animal from what I understand. For one, I have to get over the psychological barrier of a new number, which really messes with me since I’m an old soul to begin with. However, everyone seems to say that things get better when you hit that treinta, so we shall see.

So where do we go from here? I suppose I could already be more of a fuddy-duddy than I already am, or tap into a long-dormant risk-taking streak and do shit just to do it. Or I can do what I’ve been doing and take it one a day at a time and see what happens. If the last 29 years were any indication, this should be another fairly interesting ride.

A decade un-dulled

I still remember Sunday morning August 26, 2001 For two reasons.

That Sunday, I was preparing for a new chapter of my life called Delaware State University and I spent much of the weekend fretting about whether I would fit in or if I could really make a career for myself as a sports writer. Also as I checked the morning news and got ready to head to my grandmother’s apartment for pancakes and bacon as the custom dictated, I was shocked to see a brief mention of Aaliyah’s passing in a plane crash the previous day going across the screen. Of course a bigger tragedy would turn the world upside down about two and a half weeks later, but the entertainment industry was stunned that a rising star, such a bright light, was put out well before her time at 22.

It’s amazing how 10 years has NOT taken away from Aaliyah’s legacy as a very talented performer – super dancer, fairly decent singer and aspiring actress. As time wears on a lot of the talented folks that made headlines but weren’t widely celebrated by pop audience tend to fade out of the public conscience. Instead, many people, particularly young black men and women, hold on to Aaliyah’s brief but enduring career as one of life’s greatest “What could have been” stories.

I talked about why Aaliyah remains relevant on a recent podcast of mine and I believe, with good reason, she holds a special place in the hearts of young black girls who wanted to dance, be cute and be cool – She did those three things effortlessly.

So why should Aaliyah be remembered? What songs should folks unfamiliar with Aaliyah Dana Haughton listen to in order to get familiar with her? Consider the rhetorical question answered with a definitive 10 Aaliyah songs you should listen to (in no particular order and of course, everyone’s list is different):

At Your Best (You Are Love): It takes a special kind of moxie (and an Isley Brothers fan like R. Kelly) for a 15 year-old girl to cover an Isleys classic and sound good doing it. The “Gangsta Child” remix for the the rap audience was blah, but the standard version does justice to a Quiet Storm classic.

One in a million: 1996 – Aaliyah releases her second album with a rising young songwriting/producing who went by the names of Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliot and Timothy “Timbaland” Mosley. A radical departure from the New Jack Swing-influenced Kelly production, Aaliyah’s soft sultry voice singing over Timbo’s futuristic tracks was a match made in heaven as the title track suggests.

Come Over: A song that was originally a Changing Faces cut, a leftover demo from the self-titled album sessions worked its way on to the posthumously-released “I care 4 U” album and on to grown folks time playlists every where in college. If you heard this coming from someone’s room, you dared not knock on the door – something was about to (or already was) going down.

Try Again: Still a top 20 Timbo beat and an absolute monster during the Summer of 2000, it went along with the soundtrack to Aaliyah’s major movie debut, “Romeo must die.” The video (linked here) was Aaliyah at her sexiest in my opinion even though she was dancing her ass off into several mirrors and then with a cane Kappa style at the end.

Back and forth: Her debut song and video set the tone from the jump – This wasn’t bubblegum in the very least, a track with plenty of bass and a sassy teenager with attitude and vocal skills to spare while in full tomboy mode.

Four page letter: Every teenage girl wanted to write one and every teenage boy wanted to receive one. One of the softer, sweeter tracks from One in a million and probably her most enduring as everyone stops and starts singing along from the intro when Aaliyah asks the engineers to turn it up “…up some more…”

How could the one I gave my heart to: While no one has ever ranked Aaliyah’s voice very high, this heartbreaking song showed that even at 17 she could make a song her own and deliver a vocal performance worthy of the material.

Hot like fire remix: Timbo snapped on the drum and bass-influenced track and the video once again showcased Aaliyah’s dancing skills and charismatic personality.

If your girl only knew: Once again, Aaliyah’s re-emergence under Tim and Missy’s production only enhanced her popularity as the lead single from “One in a million” suggests.

I miss you: The irony of this being the next single after her death is still too much for folks to take 10 years later. And it’s still the absolute truth – her fans still miss Aaliyah greatly to this day.

The Urkel Principle, or “Why you dudes should do a better job of choosing”

After a productive weekend of covering the American Legion baseball state tournament, I spent much of Sunday chillin’ out and getting ready for my BlogTalkRadio show this evening (readily available in the links section of this blog). Part of that chill process was watching Family Matters, something I haven’t done since I left Delaware the first time back in 2007.

The episode in question was when Steve Urkel (Jaleel White) was accused of accidentally blowing up the science lab, which would’ve led to him being expelled and all of his dreams being dashed. Urkel’s defended in student court by Laura Winslow (Kellie Williams), who successfully gets the charges dropped, but before then, Steve’s then-girlfiend Myra Monkhouse (played by the late Michelle Thomas) makes an impassioned (and obviously false) statement of guilt to set Urkel free.

It got me to thinking about a conversation that I’ve been engaged in or privy to observing before and the bottom line never changes – Urkel was a FOOL to shun Myra for Laura – but why? Well, work with me here. I’m going to try my best to help you all (MYSELF included) understand why Steve Urkel had a beautiful, brilliant and buxom woman ready to wash his dirty drawers but instead pined for and chased after a woman that never really reciprocated that passion. It’s a common thing among men, but for the purpose of this post, we shall call it “The Urkel Principle.”

If you remember from the earliest episodes of Family Matters, Steve Urkel chased after his cute next door neighbor who viewed him just as everyone else did – a nerd only worth stepping around or stepping on. His relationship with Laura wasn’t that much different, yet he never failed to be there for her when she needed something (a memorable instance is when he took her to a cheerleading competition she overslept for and she tried to make him sleep in a tub in a hotel and he finally stood up to her).

Enter Myra Monkhouse, a cousin of Laura’s boyfriend at the time, the wavy Ted Curran (played by Patrick Dancy), who is the anti-beautiful chick, a nerdy woman with an African dictator’s middle name who shares the same interests as Urkel and stays in his corner to no end. Yet as Family Matters went out with a whimper in the late 90s, Urkel refused to advance with anything meaningful with Myra, conditionally dating her until Laura changed her mind about him.

The Urkel principle is set from the jump – Men tend to become so drawn to one woman and idolize and idealize that woman for an eternity (crassly called “Putting [insert slang term for a woman's sexual organ here] on a pedestal”). They stay so fixated on one woman that they can’t see there are others out there, others that are willing to give them the time of day and their love. Maybe it’s the fear of something new or the fear of being rejection (both of which are as real as the day is long) that keeps them from detaching themselves from a woman who fits their ideal but doesn’t want them. Those same guys are the ones that often complain and are bitter about how women act or how they’ve been treated by said women when those women have made it clear from jump that they were not and never would be interested.

So is there a way to stop yourself from being victimized by the Urkel principle? Yes, and it’s simple enough but people fail to do it not just in dating, but in every part in life – keep an open mind. No one is saying you can’t have preferences or standards, but you should bend the rules if someone cares about you/you care about them/you make each other feel good. Another part of it is just letting go. That woman that DOES not want you, and that’s it. Let it go. She doesn’t want you – bottom line. Find someone who does and adjust. Steve Urkel was never able to do that and put himself through hell chasing, chasing, chasing. Only difference is some of these guys take it out on every woman around and that’s not the right thing to do – place the blame with yourself for falling into the Urkel principle, then get out of it.