I’m not even sure if I know what exactly what it is I want to say, but I’m sure it details me talking about how I wasted my 20s and how I really feel old now that I’ve crossed the threshold to 30, and other random foolishness.
Looking back at the last 10 years, so much changed in my life that most would think I’m crazy for saying I wasted an entire decade. I enrolled in a four-year college (took me six years to finish, but who’s counting?), got a degree in a field I love (but not sure what the future holds for it), moved away from home for 3 1/2 years and nearly went crazy in a wasteland, came back, found a job, but now wondering if I can do some professional business independently. More importantly, I learned so much about myself and knowing that I still have a lot of learning and growing to do is interesting and frustrating at the same time.
I’m an impatient person. Always have been, always will be. When things don’t happen when I want them to, I get overtly frustrated and annoyed (which means I’ve probably blown opportunities of varying degrees in my life). So when I sit here at 30 and I’m saying that my life isn’t where I want it to be or I still feel physically unattractive to women and that I’ll never change that, it’s just part of my nature.
However, one thing I’ve prided myself on developing recently is perspective. Nobody’s life is perfect and quite frankly, mine could be MUCH worse. For that, I’m grateful that I haven’t fallen as far as my own competitive and worrisome ego wants me to think I have. I personally know people that have not reached this age for one reason another and when I think that I’ve been fortunate enough to see another birthday, it’s very humbling.
When I think of the places I got to see (DC, Detroit, Indianapolis, Charlotte, etc.), the people I’ve met professionally and personally, the things I’ve experienced, I’m finally starting to see that because I don’t drink or club doesn’t mean I wasted my 20s. I had fun my way. I can still think of random things like Eastern Indian chicks hitting on me at a Dominos Pizza in Richmond, Va. in 2005 or how my last year of college really tested my will to survive, the fact that I’ve just started to realize that not all women are the same but they are human beings too…I’ve had a journey. And for the most part, it hasn’t been bad.
The 30s are a different animal from what I understand. For one, I have to get over the psychological barrier of a new number, which really messes with me since I’m an old soul to begin with. However, everyone seems to say that things get better when you hit that treinta, so we shall see.
So where do we go from here? I suppose I could already be more of a fuddy-duddy than I already am, or tap into a long-dormant risk-taking streak and do shit just to do it. Or I can do what I’ve been doing and take it one a day at a time and see what happens. If the last 29 years were any indication, this should be another fairly interesting ride.