A Letter (Or 2011’s Swan Song)

Dear Chris,

Well, we’ve made it to 30! It’s somewhat of a surprise to us both yes, but it shouldn’t be. Anyway, let’s wrap up our 2011, shall we?

You started the year in St. Mary’s County, Maryland, a place you came to hate after over 3 years of professional struggle, personal blues and general unhappiness. You made it your mission to get out and you did. Well, not how you would’ve liked. Termination is never fun, but it was necessary.

You made it back to Wilmington, Delaware to discover not much has changed with the city, your family and friends. Whether that’s good or bad remains to be seen, but you’re home, on comfortable ground and it’s given you a chance to get yourself together and figure out what it is you want to do next.

Speaking of, how DO you feel about journalism? Is it still what you want? Do you still think that career you’ve dreamed of is in the cards? Or do you want to set your own path? I think you would do better on your own if you just take the steps, but that’s a decision you have to make.

Speaking of decisions, you’ve made some smart ones near the end of the year, which is impressive. You quit sodas, started walking (don’t let the injury stop you now that it’s slowly getting better) and you figured out a low calorie plan that works. We can make lifestyle changes AND watch the numbers drop in 2012!

You also have a successful podcast, which is a shock considering you hate to talk and aren’t fond of your own voice, but apparently it’s good enough for people to listen to. Now you have to try and make it better in 2012. You’re still learning on the fly, but this could be the start of something big.

Personally, I wish I could’ve seen more improvement. I really don’t understand why you’re 30 years old and still running from childhood/teenaged ghosts that really shouldn’t be bothering you anymore. No one is laughing at you when you’re out in public, you’re not the most hideous thing walking. If anything, you convince yourself of all these faults that you can’t even admit to anything positive and then wonder why you’re in the situation you’re in.

One thing I’ve learned about you after living with you all your life is that you’re resilient. You might feel like the world is ending when you face a challenge or a setback, but you eventually get back to what you need to do to make yourself and your life better.

So let’s talk about what I want from you in 2012. I want you to continue on a weight loss program. It seems like losing weight is the way to get you to feel better about yourself even though you’re not that big. I want you to find some way to feel good about yourself even if you don’t lose another pound. I have to live with you and I’m tired of watching you hate yourself and throw away opportunities at just about everything. Let’s think of positives: You’re intelligent, you have a sense of humor, you’re a decent person and you have a drive to do better and be better. Play that up please instead of saying no one will like you because of your weight and your looks. You speak that shit into existence and it HAPPENS. Stop that.

Lastly, I want you to love you. Please find the strength to do that. You can only get so far on self-deprecation. In fact, you can’t get far at all. People are annoyed and women are turned off by the fact you insult yourself. Which makes no sense to begin with. A joke here and there is fine, but to think that you’re so low on yourself is depressing, especially when you don’t have a reason to be. There are so many things that you can like about yourself if you just take the time to figure them out, embrace them and live them.

Trust me, I’d never steer you wrong. A new year and new opportunities and experiences await. Let’s get to it.

Love,

Chris

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11 thoughts on “A Letter (Or 2011’s Swan Song)

  1. Love it. Every last bit of it. This sentence -> “instead of saying no one will like you because of your weight and your looks. You speak that shit into existence and it HAPPENS. Stop that.” <- is the truest thing ever.

    I remember our conversations and as much as I tried to tell you about the whole confidence thing, it doesn't mean anything unless you yourself know it to be true.

    I wish you a beautiful, confident, healthy and sexy new year. Know that I'll always be here for you, whenever need be 🙂

    xox

  2. Dude, that last paragraph is everything. Even though it’s the last paragraph, it should probably be the first thing you work on. Most often, improvement starts from the inside and works its way outward. Best of luck.

  3. I see bits and pieces of things I’ve said to you in this letter, and I’m very proud that you’re beginning to tell yourself the same.. I’d love to talk to a “different”, more confident Chris in the new year, so I’m going to pray that you keep your promises to yourself and become that better person you want to be. :^)

  4. I like this. It’s good to see you realizing things that you want to change. You’ve inspired me to write myself a letter. I’m not sure that I’ll post it though. There are some things that I need to write that are way too personal for the blog.

  5. Great post Chris! Great declaration for the upcoming year! I am rooting for you as i always have. Wishing you the very best! I see the improvement and it only gets better! Keep trusting yourself, like you said…He won’t steer you wrong!

  6. Im SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you Ceej! Im sure it was scary for you to write this but Im glad you did. You DO have a lot to offer and you ARE a great person. We already love you but we want you to love yourself more. You are on the right track here, babes. XOXOXO

  7. Great post! I think this speaks to so many different people and their struggles, including my own! Enough people are going to be tough on us in the world, no need to be tough on ourselves! It’s going to be a great 2012 🙂

  8. Chris, Sometimes the best person to hear advice from is yourself. You have asked yourself a multitude of questions, and I know you’ll find answers to them because you love to learn and grow. Cheers to a year of learning and growing, dear! You will be more exceptional then you ever have; just believe. ❤

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