In the grand scheme of things, life isn’t bad. I’m still around to live it, which is always a good thing, but I find myself feeling less and less good about it as the days wear on.
Maybe it’s because I’ll be 31 in less than four weeks or the fact that I might be the only guy on Earth that not one woman likes. It could be I’m getting a tad bit nervous about self-employment thing or that I’m hopefully closing in on my first and most important weight loss goal and I don’t know how to feel.
But I know that I hate feeling sad. I hate feeling like I’m never good enough for anyone. I hate feeling like I’m unfairly judged by my looks and other superficial things.
Then when you try to express to people how you feel and what you’re feeling they don’t think it’s that bad. It hurts. A lot. As I sit here writing this trying to figure out where I’ve gone wrong over the course of my life, I can only think that maybe I’m cursed or it just wasn’t meant for me to have what other people have or even have anything of my own.
I really don’t know about anything anymore. I really wish I had a solution to all of this, but what can you do when your problem is that other people don’t like you? I know who I am, I live with myself everyday and I honestly don’t think I’m that bad of a person.
Believe me, if I could do something about the physical stuff I would. Actually I am, I’ve lost a good amount of weight this year so far, but it still isn’t good enough.
All I know is I’m going through a rough period right now. Like I really can’t figure out for the life of me what is so un-likeable about me. All I know is I really don’t like feeling this way and I wish I didn’t feel so bad, but there’s not a lot you can do when the people you like really don’t want anything to do with you.