Confessions Of A Chaser


The act of actively pursuing someone or something, almost with an obsessive fervor.

The thrill is in the chase is usually a motto many people follow for whatever it is they’re after – money, goals, material possessions or even more telling, people.

Chasing people takes a certain amount of effort, a whole lot of stubbornness and maybe just a pinch of insanity.

I’m a recovering chaser. Actually, this post is just me admitting that I have a problem, the actual rehab process will begin after I get these words out, but maybe they can help someone else. I know it took me a long time to figure out that chasing can be a problem that damages you from the inside out.

I was always a chaser when it came to girls growing up. I went out of my way as most young boys do to get the attention of a girl they liked. I never really felt foolish even though I was scared out of my mind trying to impress upon a girl how much I liked her. Really didn’t have much success with it, but it didn’t deter me or really do any damage until my senior year of high school when a girl I had been chasing for almost three years let me get close enough to make me think I had a chance. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

It took me this long to figure out that chasing helped no one, but the process was a hard one.

A chaser (at least this one) is born from a nature of wanting to be liked, wanting to have, keeping up with the Jonses, so to speak. The Jonses in this case are other boys/men. Seeing a friend, enemy, cousin, uncle, getting the attention of girls/women inspires you to want much the same thing. You spend your time trying to figure out how to achieve the results you want and you figure persistence pays off.

Instead of persistence paying off, you find yourself going through an endless cycle of one-word conversations, unreturned texts or e-mails, frustrating to the point when you start resenting yourself, resenting the very women you’re chasing and even the ones you’re not chasing because you figure no matter what, they all can’t stand you.

That mentality comes from a sense of self that’s either very low or completely non-existent. You don’t feel that you yourself can stand out and attract women for anything other than conversation that you aren’t interested in or you fear won’t move beyond that. It becomes noticeable, noticeable becomes obvious and obvious becomes written all over your face.

Yet, you continue to chase because it’s what you know – you can’t let anything come to you, you don’t believe in a gray area – everything is black and white. Does she like me, yes or no? Then when you get the answer that is inevitably the latter, you find yourself hurting – sad, angry, fed up, humiliated, insulted and worst of all – alone. Again.

This is the time you start to realize that chasing someone or something that can’t or doesn’t want to be caught does not benefit you in anyway. Persistence may pay off in some instances, but more often than not, you just establish yourself as a pain in the ass to people you’re trying to catch.

I feel the key to recovering from being a chaser is catching yourself – finding out the good, bad and ugly about yourself, working on it all and realizing that someone someday will notice you and want to be around and spend time with you. However, taking that first step towards catching yourself is the hardest, even after all the time you’ve spent chasing after someone else.


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